Monday, February 25, 2008

Ice cream and Colors

I woke up thinking of colors. A place where everything was art. The ceilings, the walls, the ground, the ice cream.

Looking at that display, I felt like Gretel. I couldn’t choose. I felt like I was going to ruin art. I was in a country where the ice creams were one of the best in the world. I didn’t want to make the wrong decision. I wanted something I had never tasted before. I wanted something that sounded like it didn't exist anywhere else in the world. But I think I ended up choosing apple in the end. I can’t remember.


The others were just as amazed as I was. Two of them chose the most exotic looking ice cream from the display. Under the warm sunlight, their ice creams glistened.

Can you guess what flavor it was?

It was perisa asam boi.

No matter where you are, you're never too far away from home.


Thursday, February 21, 2008

Melayu - Adat atau Agama Lagi Penting Bagi Kamu?

Mesej untuk sesetengah golongan orang Melayu. Kenapa sesetengah golongan? Sebab bukan semua.

Hey kamu,

Kamu yang kecoh tentang isu striptease Faizal Tahir, gambar-gambar bogel pelakon Anak Pontianak, isu gadis bertudung memegang babi dan macam-macam lagi. Tolong jangan cakap kamu riuh rendah tentang isu-isu itu kerana mempertahankan agama kamu. Sebab kamu meletakkan taraf adat kamu jauh lagi tinggi dari agama kamu. Aku tak beli alasan kamu.


1. Kenapa isu striptease Faizal Tahir dikecohkan?

a) Sebab dia mendedahkan aurat? (Agama)

b) Ataupun kerana adegan striptease itu nampak kurang manis? (Adat)

Aku rasa jawapannya (b). Sebab kalau (a), tentu orang ramai sudah kecoh tentang pelakon-pelakon wanita yang memakai miniskirt dan baju tanpa lengan di kaca TV. Filem Remp-it pun lagi banyak adegan di mana lelaki tidak memakai baju, tak ada siapa kecoh pun?


2. Gambar-gambar bogel pelakon Anak Pontianak.

Nak cakap apa lagi? Kenapa orang yang tengok file .3gp itu adalah orang yang sama meninggalkan komen di video-video bertajuk lucah di YouTube? Komen-komen yang selalu berbunyi seperti,

“Subahanallah…wahai hamba Allah…ingatlah… perilakumu di dunia adalah cerminan balasanmu di akhirat…dimana anda mahu pergi? NERAKA ATAU SYURGA?”


Ya, aku copy paste komen itu dari satu clip di YouTube. Kenapa berjela-jela panjang komen seperti ini di comment section clip lucah Melayu di YouTube? Orang alim rajin mencari video seperti ini di YouTube kah? Aku rasa tidak. Siap tengok sampai habis dan meninggalkan komen lagi. Jangan malukan nama agama aku. Nak cakap tak kena dengan adat kamu tak apa. Adat ‘buat-benda-jahat-tak apa-asalkan-sorok-sorok-kerana-tak-manis-dipandang-orang’ kamu.

Cuba eksperimen ini: Taip 'Melayu' di YouTube. Tengok apa yang keluar dulu?


3. Isu gadis bertudung memegang babi.


Seperti yang Mufti Perlis terangkan lah, kalau pegang babi itu haram, maka kita tak boleh beristinjak lah. Sebab babi tu kan najis? Yang haram itu makan babi, bukan memegang babi. Kalau buat juga, berdosa. Macam pegang Al-Quran tanpa wudhuk lepas baligh – berdosa juga. Bukan aku nak samakan hukum pegang babi dan kitab kita tanpa wudhuk itu. Tapi lepas pegang babi itu kamu boleh samak. Aku juga setuju dengan apa Mufti Perlis cakap lagi- makan babi dengan makan riba sama saja haramnya, tapi kenapa makan babi boleh buat orang muntah tapi makan riba tak buat orang jijik langsung?


Hai, kalau nak cakap soal pegang benda haram, pegang tangan boyfriend dan girlfriend lagi keras hukumnya. Kenapa orang tak kecoh tentang gadis-gadis yang menumpang motorsikal teman lelaki mereka sambil memeluk si lelaki dengan erat?


4. Kebaya vs. Evening Dress

Yang mana nampak lagi sopan dan ayu, gambar kiri atau kanan?

Kebaya transparent trend sekarang yang mengikut bentuk badan dengan kainnya yang terbelah ataupun evening dress yang menunjukkan bahu tetapi berbentuk flowing bawah pinggang?

Aku tidak pernah memikirkan hal kebaya ini, hinggalah aku terjumpa suatu gambar di mana seorang gadis Melayu yang berkebaya berdiri sebelah seorang gadis Cina yang sedang memakai dress. Captionnya berjudul, ‘Aren’t you proud of me? I wore the traditional Malay costume!

Gambar itu membuatkan hati aku tak senang.


Pertama, kerana di bawah gambar itu, kawan-kawan perempuan itu telah meninggalkan komen seperti,

“Nampak ayu sangat…patutnya macam ini lah gadis-gadis Melayu kita.”


Dua, kerana aku berpendapat dress yang dipakai oleh rakannya yang berbangsa Cina lagi sopan. Bukan sahaja kebaya pendeknya yang ketat itu menampakkan seluruh bentuk badannya, malah aku rasakan bahawa butang-butang kebaya di dadanya seolah-olah hendak tercabut kerana terlalu ketat. Juga kerana kain kebayanya terbelah hingga ke lutut.


Aku juga terfikir tentang pasangan yang tidak diberi peluang untuk berkahwin malah terpaksa tunggu kerana alasan tak baik melangkah bendul. Tak manis kahwin terus, kita perlu ikut adat, merisik dulu, meminang, kemudian baru nikah. Kemudian ada bersanding lagi. Sementara tunggu itu banyaklah maksiat kita buat.


Ini semua memang bukan soal agama bagi kamu. Ini soal adat.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Flames of Rome

Last October, he dyed the Trevi Fountain blood-red.

What the fountain looked like before:


Left: Fontana di Trevi during nighttime. Right: Fontana di Trevi during daytime.


Last month, he deployed half a million colored balls down the Spanish Steps. The Italian word for balls is ‘palle’, which also means lies.




A before and after picture:


Left: After. Right: Before. Had to crop half of the picture out because I was in it.


A few balls ended up in the Barcaccia fountain. Some of the balls ended up on eBay, selling at a starting price of 50 Euros.



A before picture:



Who is he? He’s Graziano Cecchini, an Italian artist and activist. Interested to find out more? Sila google.


All the after photos were stolen from other websites. The before photos I left unedited except for resizing and cropping. Not in a very rajin mood.


Responding to some statements a blogger and a few of his cheerleaders made about me about being bloody egoistic, young, full of millions of fucking excuses, taking things too literally and lacking wit in my writing, well. Fighting on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still retarded. And there’s nothing more retarded than a grown up arguing with a young girl.


Once again I’m reminded why I started blogging. I didn’t do it to seek anyone’s approval or support. I just wanted to relate to other people. I admit that my reasons strayed for a while when I realized that people were reading. I suddenly became more conscious of my writing. For a while I felt like I was writing for them and not for myself. Not anymore. From now on, I’m just going to write for myself.


You’re right, I am young – I can afford millions of excuses because I’m still prone to mistakes. To some people, the word ‘young’ is enough of an excuse to get me off any mistakes I may have made. Don’t hold this against me just because you’ve lost your youth.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Anak Bodoh Macam Ni, Baik Mati Aje.

Disclaimer : This is an entry about teen suicide cases. If you are somewhat sensitive, please leave.

As if 13 year olds aren’t annoying enough with their pimped out MySpace/Friendster and
barely-there-clothing to show off their barely-there-curves, now they have to start committing suicide for the stupidest reasons. Parents and parents-to-be, take note. This could be your child in another 15 years or so. Please stop trying to be a ‘cool’ parent. Because your 13 year old is seriously driving me nuts running around with his 300 euro iPod and DSLR camera which he barely knows how to use and had you forking out 600 euros for just so he could take pictures of himself and his friends in a mall and post it up on MySpace the next day.


Picture of Jamie Lynn Spears, (younger sister of the infamous Britney Spears) celebrating her 13th birthday with her friends, 3 years prior to becoming pregnant.

Is teen pregnancy a trend now? They even made a movie about it. Eh, para liberal, don't condemn me for expressing my distaste towards parents who lets their kids run around dressed like that. I'm sure the pedophiles aren't complaining. Yes, freedom of dressing for women and all that. But give it time. Look at the girl on the left, her tummy is bigger than her boobs.


On a different note but not so far off from the topic, here are a few examples of a few pretty unbelievable and stupid reasons why kids commit suicide nowadays. These cases are all real and not made up.


1. Mitchell Henderson – Known as the 13 year old who committed suicide over a lost iPod. This is because he shot himself a day after he lost his iPod. At first when I read this story I thought it must be fake, right? People like this just don’t exist. To be fair, there were also rumors that he was being bullied but the fact that he had a MySpace account and an iPod at 13 takes away all my sympathy. It’s not like he resolved anything by killing himself. If he had shot the kids who had bullied him and then committed suicide, then it might have sent some sort of a (twisted?) message to bullies worldwide. Now he’ll just be remembered as that kid who killed himself because he lost his iPod.

Further proof that Mitchell Henderson DID actually exist.


2. Yasmin Browder – 11 year old girl who committed suicide by hanging herself from a bathroom door with a dressing gown belt because her mother would not let her watch a TV show called Big Brother (Is it that good?). I don’t think I need to elaborate further. You can read the story here or by googling her name.


3. Andrei Smirnov – 10 year old boy who jumped from the 19th floor of his apartment after his parents banned him from playing videogames. He had received poor results in school and tried to hide it from parents (somewhat unsuccessfully) by removing the records from school diary. His parents found out and banned him from playing videogames. So what does he do? He kills himself. To read further about him just google ‘Andrei Smirnov videogames’.


I think the most important thing you should teach your children as they were growing up is that you can’t always get what you want and if you want something, you should earn it. But a more important thing is to have thick skin and not take heed if the other kids are mean. I get really pissed when I hear someone says kids are all innocent and cute. When I was a kid I saw these ‘innocent and cute’ kids bully other kids and call other kids who aren’t as cute buruk gila(damn ugly), gemuk macam babi (fat as a pig) and hitam macam kuali (black as a wok). Let’s face it, kids only look cute. Kids are meaner than adults. They make fun and laugh at other kids for being different and they don’t bother to hide it from the kid who is being teased. This is partly because they haven’t mastered the adult art of bitching and backstabbing yet.

I actually love kids. It’s the monsters that they turn into when they are reaching puberty that repels me.


I don’t understand why kids nowadays can’t have plain good old fun running around in bicycles or do whatever kids 10 years ago did. When I was young, my friends and I played ‘getah’ and batu seremban. And we had fun. I don’t know why kids nowadays are always in such a hurry to grow up. Ini semua salah MTV.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Music Snob? Not Really.

I do believe that a person’s taste in music defines you in some way or the other. That doesn’t make me a music snob.


If you say or write in your Facebook/MySpace/Friendster that you’re a ‘universal listener’ or that you ‘listen to almost everything’, I won’t think that you’re a free spirited person or you’re ‘open to suggestions’. I will label you as an insecure person who’s afraid to speak your mind because you’re afraid of sticking out like a sore thumb and you have a complex and a desire to please everyone.


If you claim to be a fan of a band but only know one or two songs from their group, I’ll label you as a poser.


If you call yourself a rock or punk fan just because you listen to Avril, Simple Plan, Good Charlotte or My Chemical Romance, I’ll call you an annoying 13 year old.


If you think that Radiohead copied Muse and Pearl Jam copied Creed, I’ll call you a retard.


If you need to know the current music charts on the mainstream radio stations to decide which current songs to use as a ringtone.


If you told me Nirvana had deep lyrics. They had shit for lyrics. Commiting suicide doesn’t make you deep. Kurt Cobain became famous for the same reasons David Beckham did- Pretty boy looks. I’m glad he died. Foo Fighters is a better band in every way.


Left: What Cobain would look like if he was high maintainance.

If you are a PakcikTuaMiangYangDahKahwinTapiSukaLawatKelabDangdutLepasKerja because you like to see the singers gelekkkkk while maintaining their nilai-nilai ketimuran. Kononnya.


I’m judging you because you are the ones who are always judging me first. You tell me I should listen to MCR and Rihanna in order to be hip or cool. You tell me I need to dress like Avril because according to you, that’s how a Minah Rock dresses. I’m not a Minah Rock and I don’t need to dress like a teenage-cheerleader-turned-hooker with a face like a panda to boot.


Siapa lagi mengancam? My money's on the panda.

I realise that this is my second post tonight. I use the hours you spent sleeping to write- I only sleep two hours per night. Quitting a life and starting another can be so strenuous. Sigh.

Mellon Collie and Infinite Sadness

I hate posts that are created due to lack of sleep. Because lack of sleep = lack of judgement. So I deleted this entry. Paling mulia pun boleh jadi panduan untuk posers di luar sana. Personal entries usually don't benefit anyone. Lagi-lagi penulisnya, yang telah baca balik setelah cukup tidur selama 2 jam.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Andainya Para Remaja Melayu diberi Kebebasan Memilih Agama

Aku decide untuk tulis entry ini dalam Manglish sebab target pembaca aku kali ini adalah orang Melayu. Dan kalau-kalau lah lepas ini ada sesiapa yang nak accuse aku memburukkan nama orang Melayu di mata dunia (walaupun sememangnya itu bukan niat aku), aku boleh cakap,

“Manglish itu bukan bahasa international.”

Menurut Perlembagaan Malaysia, semua orang Melayu adalah orang Islam. Jika dia ingin menukar agama, dia akan dengan serta-merta hilang status dan hak Bumiputera.

Tapi sepertimana yang aku perhati, kebanyakan orang Melayu sekarang sudah dengan terus terang mengaku bahawa mereka sudah lama meninggalkan agama Islam dan tidak mahu dikaitkan dengan agama tersebut. Antara aktiviti paling ketara adalah mereka minum arak, mengamalkan seks rambang dan makan penyu (Aku malas nak guna babi sebagai contoh, babi itu overrated dan sama saja hukumnya seperti makan penyu).

Kemudian mestilah ada sesetengah orang Melayu yang menggelar diri mereka Islam akan mengutuk (di sini aku ingin menerangkan bahawa 'mengutuk' biasanya bermaksud mengutuk belakang-belakang dan jauh sekali maksud dari 'menegur' sebagaimana yang disarankan dalam Islam) orang-orang Melayu seperti ini, walaupun mereka sendiri tak tentu lagi lengkap dari segi amal. Aku sering tertanya golongan yang mana lagi hina pada pandangan orang Melayu; seseorang yang murtad ataupun seseorang hipokrit yang menggelarkan dirinya Islam tetapi hanya beribadat untuk menunjuk-nunjuk tapi pada masa yang sama, mengamalkan aktiviti yang dilarang dalam Islam?


Berbalik kepada tujuan asal post ini, antara kesan-kesan andainya para remaja Melayu diberi kebebasan memilih agama:


1.Mereka akan bertukar-tukar agama mengikut musim seperti fesyen.

Agama mereka akan bertukar mengikut trend agama terkini. Sekarang ini trend Kabbalah kan sedang in, marilah kita sama-sama memakai tali bewarna merah di pergelangan tangan kiri agar kelihatan cool dan spiritual seperti Madonna. Scientology itu pun not bad, bunyi seperti suatu agama yang smart je, lagipun pengikutnya Tom Cruise. Eh, bukan agama ke? Suatu kepercayaan? Lantak lah, asalkan trend.


2. Akan lahirlah beribu-ribu freethinkers.

Para remaja Melayu, yang merasakan karya-karya Dr. Lim Swee Tim dan A. Samad Said terlalu berat dan serius untuk dipelajari pada usia 17 tahun. Yang ingin ia digantikan dengan karya-karya lebih ringan, lebih contemporary. Pada pendapat aku, ini bermaksud novel-novel cinta yang tak realistic seperti skrip Sembilu. Hendak beri kebebasan memilih agama kepada para remaja yang malas berfikir seperti ini? Setakat khatam Quran 10 kali tapi tak faham satu ayat pun, tak payahlah. Nak faham kitab sendiri pun malas, apa lagi nak meneroka isi-isi kitab-kitab agama lain. Oleh sebab malas ini, gelar saja diri freethinker. Kan berbunyi seperti seseorang yang cool dan liberal. Atheist? Deism? Apa tu? Aku freethinker la.


3. Ikut agama majoriti orang Barat.

Walaupun kita diajar budaya kuning itu adalah suatu budaya untuk dicegah dan dielak semasa menulis karangan BM, bukankah kita selalu agung-agungkan budaya mereka? Tak perlu jadi genius untuk sedar fenomena ini, buka TV je dah nampak. Kan hampir semua rancangan realiti di Malaysia itu ditiru dari barat? Adakah kita sendiri malu dengan identiti kita? Tak cukup dengan dye rambut jadi karat dan contacts bewarna biru, tempek muka dengan pelbagai krim pencerah pula. Iklan-iklan yang ditayangkan pula jarang yang ada muka Melayu, semuanya muka Pan Asian. Tengok Mat Saleh pergi church dalam TV rasa cool, tapi keberatan hendak pergi ke masjid untuk sembahyang Jumaat depan teman-teman sekerja berbangsa Cina, apatah lagi kalau ada Mat Saleh.


Satu nasihat, kalau anda lengkap ilmu agama tolonglah berdakwah dengan cara yang baik dan bukan dengan cara mengutuk orang atau dengan menghakimi orang. Menjadi teladan yang baik adalah cara yang terbaik untuk berdakwah.

Disclaimer: Ini bukan entry racist. Hanya kaum Melayu dimentioned kerana kaum lain tidak mengalami masalah untuk menukar agama di dalam MyKad.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Publisiti Murahan

People (not just kids and teens,mind you) have a weird perception on what is ‘cool’ nowadays.

Emo becomes a trend.

Alcohol, promiscuity and drugs. The three tools every famous person needs in order to gain cheap publicity. Rehab is IN, y’all.

You’re a trapped soul. You’re troubled. You rebel against the society. You rebel against God.

Yeah yeah, I get it. You’re miserable.

I say it’s cheap publicity because when you’re famous, you are bound to evoke some sort of response from people. There are mainly two types of responses:


  1. The ones who condemn you. Reasons: You indulge in the forbidden/ you’re setting a bad example for the youth.
  2. The ones who feel sorry for you and feel a compulsion to change you. Especially if you’re a guy. Girls always feel like guys will change after being in a relationship with them. From my cynical perspective: Girls, they never change. They just became better at lying and became better hypocrites.


It doesn’t take a genius to open a bottle of beer and chug it down. Or to light a cigarette and inhale. Or to get laid.


It’s really hard to find someone famous due to their talent nowadays, it really is. That’s why it’s always refreshing to find someone like the Pancake Man. Someone original with dedication and perseverance. For those who understands what a Stop Motion Video is, you’ll know how much work it took to make this video:

Too bad after this there’ll be so many amateur photographers who’ll try to copy his work. But I know not many will come close. James Provan not only filmed and edited the video himself, he also created the background music for most of his videos using his keyboard. So if you feel inspired to do the same just because you own a DSLR but don’t even know what the meaning of a Stop Motion Vid is, please don’t. Let me just warn you for a beginner this might be a job that’ll require more than a month if you’re anything less than a genius and have no knowledge of the subject. That’s assuming you don’t do anything else.


To alcohol, drugs and hookers consumers – what you do or don’t do is totally up to you. What goes on in a locked space or room is between you, your conscience and God. But when you publicize your activities, and then complain about the lack of freedom to indulge in what you want or expect people to leave you alone, you’re fighting a battle you’ll never win.


In the words of Chris Martin:

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done


Simple words. Opt for originality and talent.


Sunday, February 3, 2008

If You Were Down to Your Last Dollar…

I saw it on the news three days ago. How the people from Haiti resorted to eating mud cookies made out of dirt, vegetable shortening and salt because they couldn’t afford anything else.

I knew I had to write about it because if I didn’t, I’d think about it for weeks. And it isn’t because I’m like you, I don’t pretend to sympathise and feel pangs of shame for having to throw out my leftovers simply because I always put more food on my plate than I could finish. Why do you people even bother to pretend to care when we all know the next day you’re going to forget all about it and resume to waste away food?


There was another sort of response as well. I remember one particularly well because it was the reason I had to write this entry. The guy said it was the Haitians’ fault for breeding. Now they have more mouths than they could feed. He went on further to say that if they wanted to have sex, they should have had the common sense to use condoms.


Congratulations, idiot. Nice to know that even wealth couldn’t buy you brains.


These people resorted to eating dirt because they couldn’t afford proper food. You think that if they had a dollar they’d buy condoms over wheat? Or any other forms of contraceptions for that matter?


If you were so poor that you had to eat mud cookies three times a day, do you think you’d go to school? Even if you did go to school, would you have been able to concentrate? So these people wouldn’t know about the ovulation cycle or anything like that, would they? You wouldn’t blame them if someone told them they couldn’t get pregnant by having sex in certain positions, right? Because in the US, where money is not huge issue (at least not as huge as it is in Haiti) and where the teens are supposedly ‘educated’, unwanted pregnancies still happen. I still know teens who believe you can’t get pregnant if you’re having sex during your period even after attending Sex Education classes.

“Why do these idiots breed? Why do they have sex in the first place?” asks Idiot #2.


If you were so poor, that you couldn’t even afford to buy proper clothes and therefore had to resort to wearing tattered clothes that unintentionally tend to turn on the opposite sex, is it abnormal that you and your husband should want to have sex and unintentionally breed? If you’re uneducated, chances of getting a job are scarce, there’s basically nothing around you (remember, there isn’t even anything to eat except for dirt), don’t you think you would have turn to the person closest to you and have sex? Because I couldn’t think of anything else to do. What else would you have done, sit around and commiserate? Feel sorry for yourself? I find it totally understandable that these people, given their current situation, feel sad and try to comfort each other, which of course leads to…well, sex.


Don’t even bother talking about abstinence. I know tons of educated minds who have a problem practicing that, so don’t even get me started on uneducated ones.


The Haitians evoke less sympathy because well, simply because they aren’t white. I mean, come on. People showed more concern when Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan were running around looking anorexic. They even formed a ‘Save Lohan’ group. I bet if there were blue eyed white kids who were suffering from this sort of poverty, I’ll bet you their pictures would be on the cover of National Geographic every month. Presses would be all over their stories. They’d be so overfed after getting all that publicity that they’d have to be on an Obesity Watch. Remember John Grisham’s ‘A Time to Kill’?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Attention Whores on Friendster

Here's an entry from my old blog, back when I had a Friendster account. I'm probably not going to write anything new soon, so I'll just transfer some of the old entries here in the meantime.


Definition of an attention whore according to encyclopediadramatica:


Most commonly found on the Internet, an attention whore is almost invariably a 16 year old girl who desperately craves attention in any form. More than 9,000 of attention whores are completely insane. Most of them attend your high school.


Signs that you are a Friendster Whore:


1. Your primary photo is usually a self taken picture in front of the mirror or in the car, taken using a handphone camera (because of the low resolution that so conveniently hides your blemishes, thus giving the viewer an illusion of perfect skin). In most cases you can see the hand that is taking the picture in the frame. Self taken pictures in the cars usually consist of the whore sitting in the driver’s seat looking away from the camera in a poor attempt to make people think the picture is taken by someone else although the guilty hand is clearly seen in the frame. Petaling Street sunglasses are optional.


I have no idea who this skank is. I googled attention whore and it brought me to her. Apparently she made up a story that her brother raped her then threw her out of a two story window on My Space. Read more of her attention whoring stories here.


2. Your Friendster name usually ends with FULL IV or some crap like that. You already have four accounts, and each account has over 500 friends. You add people randomly, and other Friendster whores/losers add you because they assume there must be something special about you since you are so ‘famous’. Your shoutout probably says something like “This account is full. Please add me at my next account at hotcutie4u@yahoo.com”. You usually state your email addresses, your AIM/Yahoo ID/MSN/Facebook/My Space on your Who I Want to Meet section.


3. You put up at least 300 photos of yourself and most of them look pretty much the same. (Sometimes they are the same photo, you put up the 1st one in colour and the 2nd one in black and white…3rd one in sepia…4th pic in red..blue..green..you get the idea).You put up sexy pictures of yourself on Friendster and bitch about how you hate getting dirty messages from strangers and friend requests from perverts on your About Me section. You’ve added a slideshow of your pictures (the same pictures you uploaded on your photos section) in your About Me section. In addition to that, you have at least 5 My Celebrity Look-alikes widgets on your page.


I uploaded an animated version of Jack Black to show you how reliable this celebrity look-alike crap is. Apparently he resembles a Victoria Secret model, a male underwear model and a few other A-List actresses and he’s not even trying. I bet if I had uploaded a real life version photo of Jack Black’s ass it’d resemble Jessica Alba’s face.


4. You strive to be in the current updates section constantly. You change your shoutouts every hour, edit your featured friends and profile every half an hour. Apart from that, you take down photos you uploaded the day before just to upload them again the next day. You write down crappy song lyrics to yourself everytime you’re bored just so that people can see you’ve received a new comment. You post 10 surveys everyday on the bulletin, as if anyone really cares whether you like red or dark pink glitter nail polish better. You change your status from being single to in a relationship and back to being single at least once in every 2 days, hoping people will exclaim in surprise “OMG! She just broke up again!” and “She’s so hot she found a rebound guy in just 2 days!” Fat chance.


This is how an attention whore’s updates would look like (Names and picture have been censored to keep the whore’s identity from being revealed).