Magenta and I, Were We Two Completely Different People?

I used to laugh when friends would ask me if I sometimes felt like I was leading double lives. Maybe at that time, I didn’t understand the meaning behind that question yet. But as time passes by, it suddenly became clear that even my own friends couldn’t connect the person who was behind this blog with me. That became more apparent when a guy who got to know me solely through this blog called me last night.

“Your voice is very…tak dijangka. I thought you were gonna sound very…stern.”

“Why would I?”

“Maybe sebab Magenta suka marah-marah kot. Not only was I expecting to hear a stern voice. I was expecting to hear a…”

“Guy??”

“No, no. Like a girl's voice but with a much deeper tone. Serious punya voice. Your voice is like... lalala… hahaha... hehehe.”

Conversation continued with me laughing while we described what people would perceive Magenta as. A professional and stressed woman who speaks very quickly and seriously, wears glasses and is very unfriendly.

I remember when I wrote my first post. One of my closest friends commented that she was surprised that (and I quote) ‘an eyeliner wearing bimbo’ is capable of liberating arguments. In my defense I would just like to say, I only discovered the magic of the eyeliner last year. But I have to confess that the closest I am to being deep with my peers in real life is discussing and trying to interpret the meaning of Gwen Stefani’s songs on our way to the shopping mall.

The thing is, I am actually quite soft spoken in real life. I am lembut, but not to the extent of being lemah lembut. I hardly ever raise my voice and as much as you’d like to imagine that I tell people off everytime they steal my cab or potong queue, I really don’t. A friend who I am quite close to in real life told me last week,

“Kadang-kadang aku terkejut baca blog ko. Bunyi macam marah. Tapi bila aku teringat kat ko ngan suara ko, dah bunyi macam tak marah dah.“

“Alah, tapi aku selalu maki hamun apa.”

“Ye lah, tapi ko maki tak bunyi macam maki pun. Tak bunyi kasar. Entah, aku tak reti explain.”

I’m not really sure how people perceive Magenta, but I can only imagine as someone not very pleasant. I didn’t really intend to create a character, in a way I always felt like she was someone who had always been inside of me. I guess you have to know me in real life to understand the real tone of this blog. Most of these posts were written in good humor, some even while laughing and smiling, even the post ‘Aku Masih Marah’. I guess I’m sort of twisted that way, but nothing here was meant to be serious. I just have a sarcastic sense of humor. For instance, I have nothing against marriage. I once read that there were many Malaysian blogs with elements of bitter truths and sarcasm because we are repressed people. Was I repressed? I could be.

I have my low moments but I like to surround myself with people who are loud and funny. Because I am a firm believer that familiarity breeds contempt. I don’t mind the cynics and pessimists, as long as they can find the humor in everything.

I may write about things that don’t concern me or things that I really have no strong feelings about- how women have trouble finding good men, how big women have trouble finding a size, Malaysian politics, how kampong people had it rough, stupid whitening commercials and how stupid it is that everyone wants straight hair. Mainly I do it because I’m bored and insomniac. People may think that it means I’m a single, obese, dark with Maggi hair kampong girl because I choose to write about these issues but the truth is, I really don’t care. Unlike some girls out there, I’m not searching for a male from the blogosphere.