Thursday, June 26, 2008

Umpama Ayam Kampung Bermigrasi ke Bandar.

Atau babi hutan baru keluar hutan. Hey, whatever that makes you happy.



Kamu tahu tak apa nama menatang sebelah jamban tu? Tak tau? Samalah kita.



Aku umpama pengemis baru dapat tinggal di istana secara percuma, boleh bayangkan?
Pernah baca karya Mark Twain, The Prince and the Pauper? Aku lah pauper tu. Ayah aku hadiahkan buku itu kepada aku semasa aku berumur 8 tahun, dan aku telah membaca buku itu lebih kurang 10 kali tapi masih tak paham-paham. Sebab BI aku macam haram masa kecik. Aku baca semula buku itu semasa aku 13, baru aku paham.


Aku jakun dengan semua benda dalam kediaman ni. Aku tak paham kenapa kena ada wet kitchen dan dry kitchen. Aku yakin dry kitchen tu akan basah jugak nanti. Tapi tak ada yang aku lebih jakun tengok daripada menatang sebelah jamban tu. Aku tak pernah jumpa dia kat dalam rumah orang Melayu. Hanya di hotel, tandas restoran mewah dan atas kapal terbang.
Aku tak tahu kegunaannya dan tak pernah curious pun nak guna.


Jadi bila aku jumpa benda tu di kediaman baru aku, aku dengan serta merta jadi syak wasangka.


Aku: Apa tu?

Dia: Birdie. (dengan konfiden)

Aku: Yeke?(dengan nada tak yakin)

Dia: Rasanya macam tu lah pronunciation dia.

Aku: Guna untuk apa?

Dia: Entah, aku guna untuk basuh baju.

Aku: Oh. Aku rasa dia macam mini potty kot. Macam untuk baby kencing atau berak dalam tu. Baik jangan basuh pakaian dalam tu.


Aku baru tau nama dia malam semalam, selepas setengah jam mencari di Google. Seperti yang aku jangkakan, birdie tu hanyalah terma untuk permainan golf. Benda tu, nama dia bidet. Direka oleh orang French untuk semua orang, tak kira dewasa atau kecil, basuh berak dan kencing. Dan dia basuh pakaian dalam tu. Haih.


Sebab ini Google adalah penting. Dunia ini lebih banyak golongan pengemis daripada golongan burjuah.

21 comments:

white said...

yay! i got that right! n i did not peek to see the answer at the end! :p

magenta said...

Haha. Cute.

Ahmad Kamal Abu Bakar said...

I'd use the other one for puke and cat poop. The puke all mine of course.

Borjuis said...

I use that to wash my face each time before I get to bed and ooh ooh, as 2 in 1 kind of manner, I also use that as a fish tank. Word of advice, don't flush.

magenta said...

AKAB: See I thought of using it for cat poop as well, but only if they've had canned tuna. Kalau tak poop dorang keras, doesn't go down too well down the bidet.

Borjuis: There's no way we could be roomies then. I wash my feet there before I go to bed.

Pourpres~ said...

ah it actually has a name? I first discovered this when my family went to Japan. And I know mesti untuk cuci something like that cos THEY eventually have to cuci their favorite parts eventually kan? but looks more like a, lying down urinal for me. untuk spiderman kencing vertically. or is horizontally.

erm said...

eh aku jumpa the old version of this bidet dalam movie2 lama

aku pun orang kampung...apa itu trivial,burjuah...tak tau la

sampai sekarang aku tak suka tandas duduk

ledisordre said...

burjuah tu u made it up ke mmg ade ejaan mcm tu?

magenta said...

Pourpes: Haha yeah! I finally found the name while I was googling "how americans wash their asses", hehe. Then I checked with Wiki of course. And all this while I thought it was where kids poop cause it's lagi rendah dari jamban biasa, haha. So weird.

p.s. Why did you privatekan your blog? If you don't me asking.

Erm: Trivial tu benda remeh, burjuah tu bourgeois, golongan kelas pertengahan. Sebenarnya perkataan burjuah tak wujud pun.

Ledisordre: I made it up, he he. Dekat sikit bunyi dengan pronunciation dia.

ledisordre said...

oh, orang pernah dok perancis..

hehe

Pourpres~ said...

Hahahah, I was about to ask you HOW you type kat Google nak search menatang tu.

Saye private sbb terkantoikan diri depan adek. Haha. Tuh je. Want in?

47 said...

bidet, bidet..teringat cerita sorang kawan yang singgah transit di jepun. terkejut bila duduk, tekan button dan tiba-tiba kena pancut dengan air. lol

magenta said...

Ledisordre: Hehe, I've never lived in France, honest.

Pourpes: Eh want, want. My email ada kat my profile. :D

47: Hahaha! And that is specifically why I am suspicious of benda asing, lol.

yoursistah said...

You must be the first person to translate bourgeois to burjuah. Hahahaha.

btw, the man was bragging that he knew what a bidet was and made fun of the woman for washing clothes in it. But when she asked him to explain, he turned to me and asked me to explain. I don't think he was really certain of what it was. So I told him French people use the bidet to wash crap off their butts. She asked do they wash their vjjs as well? I said no, just the crap. It only exists in homes of the rich in France though. The average street Frenchie still tak basuh berak.

Then I told them about the different kid of bidets. Like the one at the toilets in PWTC where it was sink-like, meant for you to wash your hands after you've wiped your sh!t off with the toilet paper. I hate those toilets. I was certain some of us used those bidet to wet tissue papers and wipe their crotches with it, so I abstain from using it.

eryzal zainal said...

ya.skali pandang suda kenal jantan tina nyaa.

Pourpres~ said...

invited! :)

farizzet said...

well, bidet is kinda olfashoin now. i mean today its designed differently. now it is designed wc and bidet as one. ada yg bole custom made for normal wc pon ade. just buy at diy shop.

47 said...

Pourpres, you're not gonna invite me? :)

jipo said...

haha bestnye..sbb dah 2-3 kali aku tgk kat youtube/terbaca kat website yg org terasa pelik benda tu..aku pon xtau jugak..tapi aku tertengok satu rancangan kat mtv ni,Mtv Cribs kot,2-3 tahun dulu..kat apartment Michelle Branch (xsure...)..dia terang kat viewer

'owh..this here,it washes ur butt or something like that..it's actually a French thing..i rarely use it'

haha ..it's really amazing how 2-3 seconds unnoticeable video could be engraved i ur head..funny.

broken_nigina said...

oh.
life's so difficult.

magenta said...

mysistah: Yeah well, closer to the french pronunciation. Haha. I never ever use it. Read in wiki people use it to wash their vjjs as well.

Eryzal: Hmm? Apa jantan tinanya?

Pourpes: Thanks. :)

Farizzet: Yupe, I know.

47: Haha sempat lagi.

Jipo: Haha Michelle Branch pun ada.

Broken Nigina: Ha ha.